Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I'm done

I know it sounds like I quit but its not that, I've decided I graduate today from the 12 week challenge. Ok so i've only been on it for 11 of those weeks and I haven't been 100% commited for the last two weeks or so, but I feel I have earnt the right to graduate and move on.

I weighed in for the last time this morning (as i'll be packing the scales later today) and in my final week I have lost 600g to bring me 800g under my goal. I am very happy with that because with packing my eating has been reliant on whats in the cupboard and what needs to be used up. We also had pizza and wine for dinner one night this week and I am pleased to report that rather than taking up the 3 pizza's for $30 offer my husband and I ate just one between us.

So my plans from here, I will weigh-in in two weeks time when I am in my new home and settled. I aim to eat 12WBT type meals as much as possible in these two weeks but I forgive myself if I take the easy take-away option. I will continue to check in and weigh-in every wednesday to make sure i'm in my healthy range, and in the new year I will work on my fitness to get myself running regularly and 100% happy with my stomach (i'm about 75% now).

So THANKYOU Michelle for your program, for making it accessible and creating the online support community that makes all the difference. I won't be back next round but thats because I don't need to. I might be sending some friends though :)

Thursday, November 25, 2010

I've changed

I went out for dinner last night with girlfriends and amazed myself. We went to an Italian restaurant and normally I'm a big fan of garlic bread, pizza, red wine and a rich dessert but I found myself struggling to choose because I didn't want any of it. In the end I settled on a pasta dish and sipped some champers but there was no bread and rather than guzzling the vino the champers lasted all meal - and it was shared between four of us!

So clearly my food choices have changed, I would have preferred a lighter meal option than the pasta but it was all rich sauces and thick cuts of meat or piddly side salads.

I am really pleased that this 12 weeks has re-set the foods i'm chasing, it is going to be a lot easier to stick to this way!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Happy with a gain

I didn't think I would find myself in this position - not the gain (I expected that), but being happy with it. This week I put on 900g, but as I lost 1.1kg the week before and am my goal weight I am fine with that. I was able to let my hair down a little over the last week and the world didn't come to an end.

I can do this healthy eating thing AND enjoy myself. It also helps that i've developed a taste for soda water and lime juice which is my reward drink at the end of the day. Its guilt free, and I have something to drink while I'm cooking tea. I know i'll need to keep an eye on my portion sizing and be wary of my alcohol consumption during the party season, but i'm confident I can do it.

Now all I need to do is get past this move and the drive across the country and i'll be set ... I'm looking forward to the next three weeks being behind me!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Measure of success

I've been shopping twice over the last week while my Mum has been staying with us. Its my birthday soon and I have a wedding to attend two days later so I could really do with some nice dresses to wear on these occasions. We've been to quite a few shops and I am pleased to say I have tried on quite a few size 10 dresses ... and they've all done up, and a lot of them looked good. I was looking for 'sensational' rather than just 'good' and I have come away with two dresses complete with matching accessories that make me look like the woman I want to be - young and sexy!

I also hopped on the scales on wednesday for my 'proper' weigh in and found I had lost weight - down 2kgs from the morning before ... I didn't trust it so I repeated the weigh in and got the same result. That tells me that I lost 1.1kg for the week (ignorning tuesdays weigh in) bringing me to 53.8kg. I don't know if I can trust this weight but I am trying to not put as much emphasis on the numbers so if i've gained 2kg this week I will blame wednesday's incorrect reading. I also stumbled across my last weigh in before my weight loss journey began - it was the last time I visited Adelaide and saw most of my friends and I weighed 67.7kg. In six months I have lost 13.9kgs and 20.5% of my body weight. I've gone from a size 14 down to a comfortable 10 and I am getting a lot of compliments on my effort.

Now i'm facing the challenge of the last two weeks until we move ... I am pleased to say the cleaning is coming along well and I hope to finish all the blinds by mid week. Soon i am going to have to pack the last of my kitchen supplies and work on eating things that don't require a lot of tools to prepare - i'm not looking forward to that!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Lets get over this number thing

Ok I weighed in this morning despite my better judgement. My Mum will be staying for a week so I wanted to weigh in sans-clothes this morning without her watching and its also good to have a weight to compare to when she leaves. The downside is that I wasn't eating clean yesterday - I snacked a lot on whatever was around and so today I was up 900g on the scales - BUT - i am still under 56kg and within my 2 kilo window of "normal".

SO, this week I am going to work on accepting that the scales give me a number they DO NOT tell me I have failed and give me guilt about my choices. That is something I do and I have no right to do when I am in my "normal" window ...

So here's to NO GUILT this week!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Being productive

Well the slump has eased which is great. I hate to admit it but I think the main reason it eased is because I lost 100g on the scales this week. I would love to not be attached to the pass/fail results of a weigh in but I'm not. Instead my happiness is directly related to how I expect I will rate on the scales - which obviously needs to change! This week I was concerned because I've been reaching a bit for my old comfort treats to relax at the end of the day - alcohol, I know this isn't good but its what i've been choosing to do. At the end of a long day with grizzly, sick, demanding kids I have then faced packing a few more boxes and at the end of it all sat down with a glass of cointreau or grand marnier ... I have earnt it, but its not guilt free.

I did do what I said I would on Monday - I went for a run to clear my head. I had told myself it was "too hard" to workout during the day and I was partially right. It is "hard" to do a full session when your three year old is with you all day long but we've come to a balance. I don't let her paint when her younger sisters are awake so instead she can paint outside while Mummy runs. Sure there is the problem that she calls me over to show me her artwork, ask for more paint, show me she painted dots, ask for more paper, ask me to clean the brush, show me she's painted all over her hand, ask to have her hand cleaned and then again to show me she has painted, but at the end of needing my attention she now says "more running" to get me back running around the yard. She's a great little cheer squad! I can normally kick my heart rate up close to maximum before she needs me again which helps, also having dance music on my Ipod fires me up and keeps me going. I am limited in what exercises I can do because she wants to copy me (except for the running) so weights work is out of the question and lunges have me laughing too hard to stand upright (picture a three year old doing Mums "funny walk" across the yard). So instead i've been doing a fair amount of running which isn't a bad thing. After our workout we have a mat each that we roll out and do crunches and stretches together - well I crunch and she lays there with her hands by her head :) . I am cautious to portray Mum's exercise as something fun I like to do and to try and keep the weight and body issues out of it - she is too young to have any concept of that and with three daughters i'm aware it will be an issue for many years in our house so certainly doesn't need to start now. I make a point of weighing in on Wednesday before the kids get up in the morning so they don't see that part of my life.

So coming off a rut its been good to hold steady this week. Its also been good to see the pile of boxes growing, and the list of thing to pack growing shorter. We'll be on the road in 27 days so the 12WBT, my drive across the country and my reveal in Adelaide will all be here before I know it. I think the big reveal is the part thats stressing me most about my numbers at weigh in. If it was purely for me I could accept that 55-57kg is my happy range, but when i'm facing people who are "expecting" me to have lost weight I want to have achieved 110% ... its also my in-laws i'm facing so thats probably adding extra weight ... and then the wedding we're attending on the 18th ... I must remember these things when faced with the temptation to snack or to skip a work out.

For now the best thing I can do is get some sleep. I packed three tea-chest sized boxes today so I'm feeling good. I skipped the workout, but it was hot and I was active all day long with wrapping (they were boxes of fragile glassware) and packing. So I earnt the day off from exercise.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Whats changed?

I'm not as mentally strong this week as I have been. I am hearing the voice of reason in my head saying "don't eat that - you don't need it" but i'm not listening. I think a big part of my problem is i'm not getting enough sleep at the moment with packing and sick kids, but I should be stronger than this after 3 months of healthy eating.

I was hoping this slump was going to be short lived but its entering its second week with no signs of letting up. I don't want to gain weight or lose fitness because I have my big reveal in 30 days and I want to look fantastic ... I don't feel fantastic at the moment. I feel like a worn out frumpy Mum again (I was going for 'Yummy Mummy', or the 'oh wow you have three kids!') and I was actually surprised this morning when I tried to pep myself up with a body scrub to notice how skinny my body is. Mentally I feel like I am the same physical shape as when I started the 12WBT - despite the fact i've lost 8kg and 30cm!

I should be energised and enthused but instead i'm feeling flat. The voice of reason is trying to pick me up but is struggling under the weight of apathy, exhaustion and disappointment. I know I shouldn't be disappointed but I am disappointed that I have not made the regular exercise routine stick. I have been eating well but I am not recording my calories and I often eat 1200-1500 calories (plus coffees) which I think is maintaining my weight and energy levels but I worry that 1500 will become 1800 will become 2100 before I realise it. I know I could stop it but the inner pessimist has found something to latch on to and is not helping things in the least.

I think I should go for a run to work off some of my stress, I have an appointment I need to get to for my kids soon so I'll try for that this afternoon. I need to start kicking my arse into make-up exercise sessions during the day so I have less disappointment on my shoulders ... hopefully that will kick me out of my slump :)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

A cheeky weigh-in

I won't try and hide it - I was discouraged by my gain yesterday. I know you learn more from failure than you do from success but my brain was doing some crazy things to me ... Instead of seeing "55.9" as my weight I was seeing "59.5" meaning I was back close to my starting weight (400g vs 4kg). I was good yesterday with my eating and I didn't snack on anything non-12WBT approved. However, we had a left over bowl of chicken & broccolini laksa that I shared with my husband at 10pm when we finished packing ... that reminded me that some of my issues with food are 'couple meal' issues - ie he's eating it so I should too ... despite being different heights, builds and genders.

So this morning I weighed myself as motivation to see how I'd done better and you know what ... i'd lost 900g ... which takes me to square on my goal weight!

Now why was there 900g difference in 24 hours ... I blame eating the kids food, drinking a beer with dinner then a hot chocolate before bed, and I have been having a different cereal this week and I think my body works better with museli and yogurt than cereal and milk. There is also the normal fluctuations in body weight over 24 hours so that might have contributed too.

I have already announced on facebook that i've reached my goal given I fit into size 10 jeans, the numbers on the scales are just that 'numbers' so theres no song and dance about this cheeky weigh-in.

So from here I want to hold my weight steady at 55kg, work on toning up my abs, and make time to run at least every second morning so I can burn off stress.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Argh! my first gain

Crap! I gained this week ... looking at my graph in 'my program' there are these ugly red numbers ... I don't like them being there. Its only 400g and its not unexpected but I still don't like it. I lost 400g the week before so its like the last two weeks haven't counted. I am still under 56kg which is good.

I think i'm most disappointed with my (lack of) willpower this week. I thought I had overcome a lot of issues but I have found myself feeding the kids meals that I want to eat (and they don't really want) that aren't lean, and then I snack on the left overs when they don't finish. I am better than eating scraps - I know this, but I'm not stopping myself.

This week has seen us start to pack for our December move so I have added stress from that. I've also started seeing a psychologist which has brought up a lot of issues I had nicely put a lid on. I also recieved some sad news about a family friend on the weekend who has lost one of her unborn twins at 30 weeks and is still to deliver her babies. Being a Mum, any baby loss is sad, but being a Mum of twins who birthed a twin with breathing problems it brings up a whole lot more issues. I am hoping for the best for the friend, that her surviving twin makes it safely into the world.

So its not surprising I haven't been sticking to the program, but I need to kick myself before this becomes a downward slide. Hopefully the rest of the week is filled with less stress and better news!

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Our deepest fear ...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us." - Marrianne Williamson
I came across this on facebook today (thanks for sharing Michelle) and I felt it described some of the self-sabotage I have experienced during this challenge. There is more to fear in succeeding at my weight loss goals than if I would have failed. If I failed no one need know that I had tried, I wouldn't look different, I wouldn't need new clothes, I wouldn't have new habits.

But by succeeding at my weight loss goals I have become more visable. I look different, I need new clothes, even a new style of clothes to wear, and I have new habits which can be disconcerting to people. I am different and I'm not sure how that is going to affect my friends and family longer term.

I have been invited to a New Years Eve barbeque and drinks and I don't know how it will go. The idea of sitting and eating and drink all evening doesn't appeal to me anymore. We also have a big annual fine-dining family dinner coming up, and my Mother-in-law asked "but what will you eat?", clearly her perception of me has changed.

I can see now why I was fearful of success, why my "inner pessimist" was trying to sabotage me with cravings. By succeeding I am forced to change things, and it is always more comfortable to let things remain the same.

Now that I have reached my goal weight (I still have a toning goal to reach) I feel that my fear is now that I will fall into bad habits and regain the weight, but I don't think thats the real fear. I think my fear is a fear of being strong enough to change my habits and how I let people treat me. If I change my habits I might upset people ... or they may appreciate the change ... I won't know until I share.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Mission Achieved

I can't believe it ... I went to try on size 10 jeans today at Jeanswest to see how far I was from my "Super-Ultimate Goal" of wearing size 10 clothes and looking good ... and the jeans fit ... and look good ...

So I bought them ... and am pleased to report I now have a pair of pants that fit me and can't be pulled down while the waist is done up. I don't dare buy a second pair though in case I shrink out of them :)

I'll take a photo and add it later, but for now i'm just in awe that I have reached the size I wished I could be!

Monday, October 25, 2010

So close to my goal

I decided to weigh in a day early this week, have baked two batches of cookies this past week and I wanted to see how much damage I had done by eating the odd one. Turns out I haven't gained this week - instead i've lost another 400g. Now I am getting tantalisingly close to my 'ultimate' goal of being 55kg ... I'm 55.5kg as of this morning.

Now all I can think of is getting that last half a kilo off ... but then what? I have promised myself I will stick out the full twelve weeks to see how trim I can get, but what do I aim for? I started wanting to reach 59.9kg ... so I have reached my 'goal', and now i'm reaching my 'ultimate goal', do I need a 'super-ultimate' goal? I looked at the weigh in page and the healthy range of BMI for me stretches all the way down to around 50kg ... but do I want to aim for a BMI of 20?

My 3 month goals that I set at the beginning were to:
1) Lose 5 kilos, (I'm at 4.8kg lost during the round, 7.8kg overall)
2)Tone up my stomach, (looking pretty good)
3)Wear size 10 clothes. (own one pair of stretchy pants - still yet to attempt jeans)

I'm wondering if perhaps my 'super-ultimate' goal might involve a weekly jeans try on at the shops ... the goal is reached when the size 10s fit and look good on me ...

and then there's the 'super-mega-ultimate' goal of looking hot in some size 10 bathers ... I plan to go shopping at seafolly at the end of week 11 to see how far i've come.

But for now ... focus on the next 500g and the 'ultimate' goal :)

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Where I've come from

This week I surprised myself by losing another 1.4kgs. In the past I have doubted every loss expecting the weight to "be back on" by the next week - only it hasn't come back. Its been eight and a half weeks now and I am still losing. I am starting to realise that running a house and chasing after three kids is a form of exercise, so the weeks when i'm not up to 6am runs I still lose weight because i'm eating clean. It is starting to sink in that this life-style change can be maintained, and that once the twelve weeks are over i'm not going to need to sign up again or risk "putting it all back on".

This evening I was thinking about how my weight has changed over the last few years. At my heaviest and unhappiest in late 2006 I weighed around 72kg. I'm 157cm tall so this put my BMI at 29. I fell pregnant with my first child at this point so my weight dropped a little with the healthy eating but afterwards I was at 67kg and joined a gym to get fit. I enjoyed my gym membership but didn't drop my weight any lower than 65kg, and as I tend to do with gym memberships I got slack, stopped going and cancelled my membership. By now it was late 2008 and I was keen to have a second child (why lose the weight now when i'll put it back on in pregnancy). In 2009 I fell pregnant with twins and the extra drain on my metabolism saw my body chew through its own supplies. After having the babies in November 2009 I was around 63kg but the stress of looking after three kids under three saw me turn to chocolate and wine (in the evenings) and my weight crept up. In mid 2010 I was looking for something to help me lose the weight, I came across the 12WBT but it was mid round 2 and round 3 wasn't going to start until September (how could I wait that long!!!). I didn't weigh in but I did turn to Celebrity Slim shakes to lose some of the weight. These had worked for me in the past, but I found myself feeling weak after a few weeks because looking after the kids was taking so much energy. Finally pre-season came around and I signed up and weighed in. I was at 63.3kg. In my enthusiasm I went out and bought the Crunch Time Cookbook and started trying the food. I was so impressed I started following the diet for all meals and by the start of season 3 I had lost 3kgs and was 60.3kg ... the lightest i'd been in 10 years. From there I have continued to lose another 4.4kg on the program which brings me to 7.4kg in 8 weeks ... I didn't honestly think I would lose 5 kilos ... let alone 7.4!

Today I looked at the comparisons over time. From my heaviest I have lost 16kgs, I have taken 6 points off my BMI. In the last two months alone I have lost 7.4kg which is nearly 12% of my body mass ...

Oh and i'm not finished yet! I'd still like to lose another 900g but regardless of that i'm going to see out the 12 weeks of this program to see what my body will do ... I really want to lose another 10cm off my waist and I am determined to look awesome in a swimsuit this summer!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Not having a good week

I'm feeling a bit down in the dumps this week. I've had a dead arm on and off for a week (its very hard to rest it when you have 11 month old twins) and along the way I picked up tonsilitis which presented with all over aches and hot and cold sweats. Not surprisingly my exercise has fallen by the way side. I have been doing my best to keep up with the diet but I have had a few meals where I didn't feel up to swallowing anything more than a protein shake or banana. I am proud that I stayed with healthy choices rather than 'treat' foods, but my snacking has been creeping up a bit.

I did shed 400g this week, which brings my total loss (including preseason) to 6 kilos which should be making me really happy. 5 kilos was my goal and i've passed it, but suffering from tonsilitis is making it hard for me to see the positives. Oh well, I'm going to push on, stick to the diet and hope my good mood returns with my good health.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Whats wrong with me?

I'm not well at the moment ... I slept funny on my arm a week ago and its got worse and worse and today I have aches all over and hot and cold flushes. I don't know if i've been eating too low (i haven't been strictly counting calories, just eating from the menu and snacking when I feel like it) and have exhausted myself or if i've caught a flu or something. I have a bit of a tender throat but its all over aches (esp the head). I had to call my husband home from work an hour earlier today because I wasn't coping with the kids. My three year old has noticed i'm distracted and has been acting up to get my attention - mainly with her toilet use (or lack of).

Oh well i'll go back to bed ... i slept for 4 hours when he got home ... so i'm hoping a little more sleep will help.

In good news at my 4 week weigh in I lost another 400g to bring my total to 6 kilo since the start of preseason and 3 kilos in season 3. I also lost 15.5cm across my measurements despite my thighs staying the same or adding 5mm.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Out of my shell

I have been feeling my clothes getting looser on me but i'm holding out on buying new clothes, or at least I was holding out until yesterday. I bought my first pair of size 10 pants in a while and it feels good to have some pants that fit, look nice and don't need a belt. I wasn't going to buy anything but I went shopping in my smallest pants and while they didn't need a belt to stay up I felt like they were swimming on me. Not only was the waist band an inch or so too large but the pants were large all over, my bra was at least a cup size too big and my jacket and t-shirt were hanging off me. I felt like a little shrivelled nut in its shell ... I would have thought wearing clothes a size too big would be a nice feeling but it wasn't. So I picked up a cheap pair of pants and changed in the toilets - and boy did that make me feel better. Taking the jacket off and wearing the new pants made me feel like the fit and energised new person I am - rather than the worn out and withered old me.

This evening I went through my pants drawers trying to find some more smaller sized trousers for me to wear. I didn't have any success with trousers but I did find one pair of short shorts that might still fit me when I've finished the 12 weeks and I found my fat trousers ... you know the pair you hold on to for the days when nothing fits ... I held them up and they are the making of a great after photo ... so I have one reason for holding on to them ... because I am definately not wearing them again!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Breaking Down ... Breaking Through?

I lost it on the weekend ... Not the diet, that stayed ok but I lost my temper and threw some things around the kitchen. Nothing was broken and no one was hurt but my Mother-in-law saw it happen and is now concerned i might lose my temper again and hurt the girls. I don't see this happening but I needed to appologise to her for losing my temper and try and explain to her where I was coming from emotionally.

She didn't get my points ... I tried to explain but she heard what she wanted to hear and I came away from the experience feeling like i'd been sent to the principals office for bad behaviour ... and it happened in my house (my rules???).

I've since heard that my Father-in-law (who wasn't there) is calling my outburst a "breakdown". I don't know how I feel about that. I would consider a "breakdown" something more traumatic with tears and screams and a feeling of powerless-ness. I didn't feel like crying and while I did shout "its not you - I just hate my life!" at my Mother-in-law I didn't feel powerless or out of control ... just really frustrated and angry.

So now i'm left wondering did I break down? or did I break through? I feel more powerful and determined to not repeat the events that led to the outburst. I am not going to tip toe around my Mother-in-law anymore. I am not going to do "what is fair" at the cost of what I feel comfortable doing. My family is going to be moving to the same city as my in-laws in a few months so I think this was a very important break through to make now.

So I have taken a negative experience and learnt from it ... and the experience didn't require any wine, chocolate or cake to fix :)

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Just numbers

I am struggling to accept the result on my scales this morning. They're telling me good news but I don't know whether to believe them or not. Over the past week I haven't been following the exercise program, I have had 5 mornings off in a row and this morning I only did a 15 minute session. No I haven't been sick I just haven't been motivated. My lack of motivation has come from having a house guest and daylight savings changing how light it is at 6am.

But I have been following the menu, with the exception of two meals out - one was a salad and one was a wrap so not binges by any stretch of the imagination. I haven't been eating many snacks although I have been filling some of the calories with skim lattes and instant coffees. My clothes are also loose on me so I know I am slimming down.

I did do two things this week that might explain a loss on the scales - firstly we took the kids to Taronga Zoo on Monday which involved a lot of walking and lifting my 3 year old to see different animals. I did do a bit of pushing the twin pram up hill but that was mainly my husbands role for the day (and pushing a 30 kilo pram with two 10 kilo kids in it plus bags is a workout!). The second things that might explain my loss is that my heaviest twin (11 kilos of muscle) has been a real Mummy's Girl, wanting to be held and cuddled and always within view of me. This has meant a lot of lifting and a lot of distraction from snacks.

Still I didn't expect to see a 1.4kg loss today, I am now down to 57.7kg ... definately the lightest i've been in 10 years (which is scary to say when you're not yet 30!). I spent so long in the mid 60's that I had told myself I could do nothing about my bum, that I just wasn't the right build to fit into skinny jeans ... now I'm telling myself I need new jeans (which I do) because I don't have enough bum to fill these ones anymore :)

I don't know if I will stay this weight or if some of my 1.4kg loss will be back on next week, but that's next weeks hurdle to cross. For now I'll focus on being that bit closer to my goal. I am already 5 kilos lighter than when I first changed my diet, and while I would love to lose the next 2.7 kilos to get to an even 55 kilos my aim now is to tone up my stomach so I can look awesome in a swimsuit on my 30th in December!

Saturday, October 2, 2010

My first red flag

The first of three red flag days is upon me. Tomorrow my little girl turns 3 and I can no longer say "I have three kids under the age of three". We're planning on going to the zoo [weather permitting] as a family and we have 14 cupcakes with 'HAPPY 3rd BIRTHDAY' written across them. So given I know I can avoid eating any cupcakes I don't expect a huge diet blow out from her Birthday. However, we have my Mother-in-law staying with us to celebrate my daughters birthday and i'm finding i'm not as 'good' with exercise and saying 'no' to glasses of red wine and cups of coffee as I should be while she's here. I am cooking the 12WBT menu and impressing my Mother-in-law with how tasty good food can be, but I should be being better with the drinks.

I am also searching for more patience to show my Mother-in-law. I know she has the best of intentions and asks questions to make sure she doesn't put a foot wrong, but I spend most of my days with my girls as my only companions so I am not used to fielding question after question after question ... its draining enough dealing with three little ones wanting my attention, but to be explaining or defending everything we do ... well, I just need more patience :) One of my problems in the past has been rewarding myself with alcohol and coffee and I'm finding myself doing it while she's here.

So tomorrow I celebrate my little one turing three and on Monday I will be back on track, I will do my exercise and I will drink more water and less caffine - I can't do more than that!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Its not a number its a direction

I weighed in this morning and I have shed another 600g this past week. I've been bummed out in the past about losing such a small amount but today i'm pumped about it!

I haven't been bad this past week - but I haven't been 100% good either. I haven't been burning 500 calories a session - more like half that, but I am looking at how to push myself further in my workouts. I will also admit to skipping Saturdays workout because I didn't feel like it (although I did a 4km walk Friday night). I also noticed this week my body wasn't asking for snacks so my daily calorie count was dropping as low as 800 on some days - i am keeping an eye on that now.

Today I didn't really get a chance to push myself in training - my nearly 3 year old had an unusually bad night so slept in our bed from 2am (meaning no one really slept well!), and the babies woke up at 10 past 6am. By the time I weighed in and got ready i'd lost 40 min of my work out so instead of the routine for today I pushed myself hard for 15 min and then started my day.

and you know what ... I found in that 15 min that I can push myself a lot harder than I have been!

Saturday, September 25, 2010

A good change

I had a fight with my husband last night ... the reasons for the fight aren't important so much as how I responded to them.

The old me: on finding out at 6:10pm that I can't cook the meal I had planned for dinner wants to pull out a green chicken curry (with rice) from the freezer and have that and most of a bottle of red wine for dinner followed by chocolate. If my husband had been where I needed him to be he could have brought home the missing ingredient for dinner (I can't get to the shops because I have two kids in bed and one getting ready for bed) and it all would have been fine. So for my lack of planning I punish myself with calorie dense food and empty calories of wine to ruin any success i've had so far. Of course by the time my husband gets home the wine has dulled my anger and I sweep it under the carpet (so to speak).

The new me: on finding out at 6:10pm that I can't cook the meal I had planned for dinner I choose to pull out some leftover 12WBT soup (creamy cauliflower) and eat that. When my husband does get home I confront him with my disappointment and storm out of the house (not ideal) but instead of heading to the bar for a drink or coffee shop for cake I take a 4km walk to clear my head and come home and talk things over with him over a cup of black tea. The end result is that issues are resolved, true feelings known and support is offered.

I am amazed at how a "diet" can change the way I approach these red flag situations and ultimately get me through them with minimal damage - Thanks Mish!

Monday, September 20, 2010

Calorie burning

I've been a little concerned reading on the forums about burning 500 calories a day - I am in serious doubt that I can do that in the time I have available to exercise each day.

I've been exercising more over the past week, getting up every morning to work out in the back yard before the day starts. I give myself an hour but without a program by the time I get dressed and organised and then stretch at the end I find i've only been doing about 25 minutes a day ... so it shouldn't surprise me when I burn between 140-190 calories a day. The pessimist voice in me says thats all I can do, and i've been believing her ... I don't know how she got a say but she did.

Yesterday, Day 1 I set out to follow the advanced program to challenge myself, but I knew my husband had to leave early for work so I was aware i'd likely have to do all of the morning routine with the kids myself. So I did my warm up, ran my time trial 1km and then came in to get a tissue and realised he'd got the girls up a good 30 min early. So as I was doing the main part of my work out I was aware they were in side needing to be changed and fed ... so surprise, surprise the work out was cut short and I burnt a total of 168 calories.

Today, Day 2 I agan set out to follow the advanced program but added in my re-run of the 1km time trial because I hadn't recorded the time right the day before. My husband had to be at work by 7am so he left just as I started. I did the whole of the main routine and the 1km run then I realised it was 7am and came to check on the kids. Only one was awake so after some quick stretches I got her up and she was happy to let me do my ab work ... I kept going until my eldest woke up 15 min later and then I got breakfast (all the time my HRM still registering I was around 95-110) I turned the monitor off when I stopped flitting between jobs and found that in 1hr 20 min I'd burnt 463 calories.

Now the difference between these days tells me that I need to:

a) set the alarm 15 min earlier to give me some getting ready time before my 1 hr work out

b) stick to the whole workout and not cut corners because kids are waking up

c) have a talk with my husband about not getting the kids up before 7am unless he can sit with them

I'm feeling pretty stoked I burnt 463 calories this morning ... now to push myself to hit the 500 mark!

Things are changing

I've started to notice my body is changing. I know its day 2 of the program so it seems a bit 'soon' for some but I joined up on day 1 of pre-season so to me its actually week 5.

The first change I noticed was when I went to take my before photo - my arse isn't as big as I remember, in fact I have an old "before" photo from 2008 when I was 10 kilos heavier ... and my arse is A LOT larger there!

The second change I noticed was my pants are feeling looser, in fact when I was running last week I had to tie up the draw-string on my track pants because they were falling off. I remember putting these pants on a few months after having the twins and they were skin tight! I thought the pants could have stretched with age but i've started to notice my jeans are looser too ... I can pull them out from my waist about 3cm and they're feeling loose around the top of my legs too!

The third change I have noticed is my chin is more defined. I have always seemed to carry a bit of extra weight under my jaw, not enough for a second chin (unless my head is tilted down) but there isn't a lot of definition between my head and neck. It hasn't all vanished but i'd say its almost halved itself.

and the best bit of all - my husband has noticed and commented on the changes without me having to say anything. He also thinks my fingers have slimmed down but I haven't noticed that myself.

So here's hoping the scales have noticed and I have another week of weight loss, I know being close to a weight i'm happy with that my numbers will start to slow down at some point ... I just hope its next week, and I will probably say that next week too!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

I don't REALLY want to post this ...

This is where I am starting from. Its not the heaviest i've been but its certainly the flabbiest my stomach has been. I know stretch marks are a badge of honour Mums wear, but i'd like mine to be on a toned stomach ... and in twelve weeks I plan to show that!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

A true sign of support

I had a bit of a hard day yesterday, as much as I tried to focus on the positives the negatives won out and saw me snacking on left over meatballs that were supposed to be the twins lunch.

It wasn't until I posted my confession on the forums that I understood why I defrosted and ate the meatballs and had an 'ah-ha' moment. I am coming to realise that I am a perfectionist, and one of the downsides is that I don't like to fail. The odd thing is I don't view 'quitting' or 'self-sabotage' as failure. It is only when I try my best, give it 110% and don't make it that I consider myself as having 'failed'.

I set myself the goal to be 59.9kg yesterday, so being 60.3kg by my rules I had failed. Now most normal people would realise that "it aint over till its over" and that with calorie control and exercise there is every chance I will be 59.9kg (or less) next Wednesday.

This is where my inner pessimist gets scared and realises that I am succeeding and nearing my goals, so she steps in and starts the self-sabotage ... "oh you NEED those meatballs" ... "you'll only have 1 ... 2 ... 3 ... 5 ... oh you might as well eat those others now!"

The thing is I didn't realise what was going on in my head until I wrote my confession. Now I can see why I don't stick with diets. It is just when I get close that the pessimist who doesn't think I can do it, starts to get scared that I might actually succeed and steps in to undermine me. Now that I know what going on, and that it is because "I am succeeding" I can disarm the pessimist.

I am succeeding, I will get to my goals ... why did I ever doubt it!

After sharing this with my husband he now sees how important this is to me and has agreed to make the stop off and buy me the hand weights I need tonight ... He's had an early start today and will have a late finish, but on the way home he'll go out of his way to pick them up for me ... what a sign of support!

A good sign

We had our first diet hurdle to overcome today. I have the whole week worked out with meal plans and bought everything we needed a few days back. The problem is I didn't realise how many of this week's dinners required 4 handfuls of salad greens on the side ... so I realised last night just as the fruit & veg shop would have been shutting that we were going to be out of salad today for lunch ... making a wrap that calls for lettuce without lettuce leaves it a little lean.

So how did I overcome this? Did I drag all three kids to the shops today (chaos) no instead I decided to have pizza for lunch ... a blow out you say? no I made us the tomato, basil & anchovie pizza from the crunch time cook book - 309 cal! I should have had some salad on the side so i'll have the salad as a snack when the fruit & veg order arrives this afternoon.

So I'm taking my ability to swap and change and find a healthy alternative as a sign that my diet choices are changing for the better!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

A change of perspective

I really need a change of perspective this morning, its a dreary day today and i'm seeing the glass as half empty so in an effort to re-calibrate I'm going to list what I have:

I have shed 500g this week

I have shed a total of 3 kilos since starting pre season

I am 36% of the way towards my ultimate goal and the season hasn't started yet

I am 400g away from being in the 50's

I have a healthy BMI of 24.5

I am starting to feel my jeans hanging off me slightly

I have been up at 6am the last two mornings to exercise ( and 6:30am the morning before)

I have been having early nights to give myself 8 hours of sleep to face the day (I had been living on 5 or 6 hours)

I have been making low calorie meals for myself and my husband for the last three weeks

I have helped my husband lose weight and reach a BMI of 22.6 (71.5kg)

I have three beautiful girls who make me smile

I am starting to feel the changes in my body

The main reason i've been a bit gloomy today is that when I hopped on the scales this morning I really had hoped to make it into the 50's ... but losing another whole kilo in a week when i'm so close to my goals is not realistic. I had set myself a challenge to be under 60 kilos by kick off ... the good news is kick off isn't for another 5 days so if I pull my finger out I can still make it!

This shouldn't be hard!

To diarise that is ... but it is.

Let me explain myself. I am an organised person, I love getting things in order, clearing things out, sorting, making new systems, making lists, ticking things off. So you would think "mark it in your diary" would be easy ... the problem is I don't have a diary but rather two caledars neither of which quite fit.

I have the normal wall calendar with birthdays and events on it but there isn't enough room to cram in work outs and shopping trips. My other calendar is a spreadsheet with the whole year on a page, it holds all the information I am keeping track of, so the running balances to three different bank accounts, the calories i'm eating, the calories i'm burning the net loss of calories, how many days old my twins are (i'm counting up as to how many day's i've made it through) and a column for when visitors are coming to stay, and reminders of when to do things and people's birthdays. So trying to expand that to fit 'when' i'm doing things in a day was asking too much.

So I needed a diary before I could 'diarise', but the reason I don't have a diary is because my daily routine only varies slightly each day and is the same week by week. So I decided to revise the daily schedule I had made for the fridge when the twins were younger and I needed to track who fed last and when.

I'm pretty happy with what i've come up with. I've taken quite a few of those free promotional magnets you get in the post and coloured them black and cut them into windows, so now I print off the names of the meals i'm cooking for the week and I can stick them on the fridge next to the day and meal i'll be cooking them for. I've also used my label maker to make basic magnets for my workout types and the places I regularly take the kids in a week. I'm planning to make more magnets for shopping types (fruit & veg and supermarket) and i'm sure there will be more revisions as time goes on but for now here is version 1 :

I will admit its not a beautiful thing, but its on the fridge so I can't be too fussy ... and as you can tell by the side of the fridge, its an improvement on what was there :)

My plan is also to use a whiteboard marker to add any unusual activity for the week - like husband working late, or a visitor or birthday ... this is just a boring week though so no marker aside from the date.

So after two days of pondering how to diarise I feel I have a working system. I honestly didn't think it would take me this long, that i'd just scribble a few dates on the calendar and be done with it ... now to ponder the mini & major milestones some more ... what can I do that I would feel proud of ... ahh thats going to take me a little longer to nut out.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

I did it!

Ok so it feels a bit silly to be proclaiming "I did it" already but I've had a good day.

Last Saturday when I bought my new sneakers I was determined to go for a run, but after 10 minutes I came home out of breath - a cold was on its way (and it was crazy windy here!). Since then I've been sick, I thought it might be more than a sniffle so I went to the doctors and was given not one but two scripts for my sinus infection and while this stuff is apparently the best and strongest treatment i'm going to need the second dose because I am still using Sudafed PE with anti inflamatories to get through the day (i'm at maximum dose). I can tell its not just a sinus infection because my lungs ache at times too.

So i've been feeling bummed out I can't train (heck i'm having trouble breathing at times) but i've been really good with my eating and making sure I get up and make healthy low calorie meals. My aim was to nurse myself through and 'hopefully' be well enough to make Michelle's training session today ... and I DID IT!

I made it out the door, I remembered water and a towel, I packed a healthy lunch for post work out nibbles and I got there with plenty of time to spare.

I'm also pleased to say I ran the 1km time trial in 5min 55sec - not bad for someone who's not been training well or even breathing well for the last week!

I'm also stoked to notice that in the work out I burnt 512 cal, and on the walks there and back (I went in by train so I power walked a bit) I burnt another 100 cal each way ... So my effort for getting out of the house has definately been rewarded.

It was really great to meet Michelle and her team and to work out on such a lovely day. I have taken a lot away from the running training, the strength work and the cardio work. Everything we did I felt I can get up tomorrow and do in my own backyard with no hassles.

At this stage I'm not feeling too sore - worn out, but not sore. I'll be interested tomorrow to see what's hurting.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

My pre-season challenge to myself

Like a lot of us in here i've caught my inner voice saying "oh you can't ..." about the 12WBT so i'm doing the best I can to motivate myself to start NOW not in 12 days time.

I weighed in on day one of preseason and then realised Mich has us weigh in on wednesday so I weighed in 9 days later. I noticed a 1.2kg loss in that time but rather than shout it out loud that my exercise and diet changes had done this I told myself "oh it must be a fault with the scales - I'll believe it if i'm still this weight next week"

well a week later and i'm not the same weight ... i'm another 1.3kg lighter ... so i've lost 2.5kg so far in preseason!

My goal for the 12 weeks was to lose 5 kilos and tone up ... my goal for pre season is to lose another 0.9kg by the 20th of September and be under 60 kilos for the first time in a decade!

I think I need to rethink my 12 week goal :)

Thankyou so much Michelle for the crunch time cook book that i'm making all my meals from (and not finding any need to snack!) and thankyou for the 12WBT and the support so i can realise that having a healthy weight IS possible for me!

Now to spend some energy wishing my husband and I are well enough by the weekend so I can make the training day in Sydney!

Monday, September 6, 2010

Ahh crap! Set back number one

I did what I intended to do this morning. I was determined to get up in time to make my husband a healthy lunch ... and if he had to get up at 5am I would too ... problem was I missed the news from him at midnight that he wasn't needed quite so early. I still woke with every alarm from 5am onwards and barely slept between them because my throat is so sore that swallowing saliva hurts. I did end up getting up around 6:30am and making his lunch, but then climbed back into bed ... an early morning workout was not on the cards today.

So i'm sick. Aside from the last two weeks of pre-season I feel like I have been sick all winter, one cold after another after another. At first I thought it was the kids passing germs around but when we were home for two weeks at one stage we didn't improve. It clicked with me then that its the house thats making us sick. I know it sounds like an excuse but we have a mould problem here ... not a little one but a severe infestation that had me cleaning the walls behind pieces of furniture because the mould had gone unchecked and was now three dimensional. So I did a lot of cleaning and a lot of clearing out the house and airing it every day but i've gotten slack recently. I need to do another round of cleaning before the twelve weeks start or I won't be good for anything.

I have been good with my eating, and pulled myself out of bed to cook three meals today from the crunch time cookbook.

Now to take myself back to bed so I can get better and enjoy my new pair of sneakers!

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Gearing up

I braved the local mega-plex that I hate yesterday and went to Althlete's Foot to be fitted for new sneakers. I can highly recommend going there early in the day - I went at 9:30am on a Saturday and was the only person in the store. The sales assistant showed me three pairs of shoes and suggested a more supportive inner sole to help with my collapsing arches which feels good. He was really willing to help, and he didn't mind getting me a cheaper shoe to compare to the one that fitted best. I left there feeling like I bought the best possible shoe for my foot. I haven't had a chance to try them out yet but I'm planning to go for a run this afternoon if my husband doesn't mind (its fathers day so a bit steep to leave him with all the jobs around the house).

Oh and in motivation to get running, I've started pulling on my old gym gear in the morning so I'm dressed ready to work out. After all, i'm not leaving the house so there's no one to comment on my appearance. It's also helping me to feel motivated to get outside and do a few laps of the yard (my running option when i'm with the kids). I had forgotten just how many pieces of gym gear I had bought last time I joined up (early 2008) and i'm pleased to report it fits about as well as it did when i was going to the gym regularly- I was going daily but still not getting under 60kg ... this time i'll do it with the better diet!

I've also taken the time this morning to put together a work-out play list on my Ipod so i'm keen to see how that goes in pushing me to work harder.

As for buying work out accessories i'm still divided about what to get. I realised on Friday that the back step to our house would work really well for step ups so I'm thinking i'll try using that for the first few weeks to see if I can get away without buying another thing to clutter up the house. If I do need it i'll get it but I'm going to wait and see a little longer ... although I have decided to get some weights, I think i'll take the 5kg option (out of the 3, 4 or 5kg choice) because I have two very heafty babies I lift regularly so I think I can push myself to lift more than the minimum.

anyway its a lovely (if windy) day so i'm going to get my arse outside and exercise ... assuming I don't get blown away :)

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Great motivation

Oh my goodness! I had the best motivation to work on my abs today ... I was doing the core strengthening exercise thats like you're holding a push up but you're resting on your forearms ... I forget the name ... anyway I was working out at home and hadn't bothered to put a top on over my bra ...

Oh my! looking at my stomach sagging directly down ... it actually looked a bit like a mountain - pointy in the middle and tapering off to the side ... I guess thats what carrying 5.7kg of babies (plus placentas and fluid) to 37 weeks will do to your skin.

So fat burning and abs work are high on my list of priorities, as is looking into skin firming creams and if they work!

Pre season gear up

Ok so i've been waiting to see what Michelle was going to tell us to go out and get for the 12WBT, but now that I know i'm trying to talk myself out of spending the money. The stupid thing is I have two of the things on the 'optional' list but am telling myself I don't need to buy things on the 'needs' list.

Let me explain. In our family I'm the one who monitors the spending and pays off the master card. I go through stages of actively doing this and stages of letting it slide and we've been on a slide for a little while now. We plan to move just before Christmas so I need to cut spending and budget for that but I keep telling myself i'll just get one more thing. As part of the moving issue i'm trying to cut down on what we're moving by selling off and getting rid of things we don't use. While I know I will 'use' the fitness equipment Michelle suggests,
i'm concerned that come January it will be another few things to take up space and be unused. I do have a Wii fit balance board complete with step add on and I have a set of 1kg wii dumbbells, so I have a little voice telling me "they'll do"

But why am I selling myself short before the program even starts? Why am I stuck on this particular excuse? I did have a portable step and some weights before that I borrowed from my Mum, I would borrow them back but I don't know if she still has them and she does live interstate.

I want to make this a non-issue by buying the weights and the portable step tonight online but I want to go out and buy new sneakers on the weekend and I'm concerned my husband will inforce a limit if I spend more money this week ... after all I did just buy a heart rate monitor ... maybe I could wait until after pay day ... or I could pay for it on paypal with the money from things i've sold ... hmm ... either way it might be polite to check with my husband first :)

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Weigh in day ...

I noticed last week that on the 12WBT weigh in day is Wednesday so I thought i'd shift my day from Monday (dumb choice because all the weekend binges end up on the scales) to the correct day. So in the last 9 days I have lost


I'm pretty happy with that given I haven't been following a structured exercise plan (actually I haven't been exercising at all!) but instead have been working on eating better by having meals from Michelle's Crunch Time Cookbook for breakfast and lunch. I am allowed two healthy snacks a day but i've been largely skipping them because my dinners haven't been diet and so i figure will swallow up those calories without even trying. I don't know how many calories I burn in an average day but chasing after 3 kids has got to count for something.

While I am impressed to have lost over a kilo i'm saving my excitement for next week incase this is just a fluctuation and i'm back to my original weight next Wednesday.

I am hopeful to knock off another kilo next week because today my new toy arrived:

My Polar FT4 Heart Rate Monitor (HRM)!

I only found 30 minutes to use it today and I just love being able to check how hard I'm working and push myself to go harder. It was disappointing to check after my work out and find that only 4 minutes of my 36 minute work out was working "in the zone" but its a start. Tomorrow I hope to get up early and do a Wii fit work out wearing it to see how well I do ... I did start a work out this morning (a big effort for me to get out of bed before my girls) but I only managed 15 min before they were screaming to get up ... So I'll look to get out of bed earlier tomorrow.

So now i'm going to make myself a cup of tea (no milk, no sugar) and relax infront of a DVD and do some knitting. I found it worked wonders for me last night and helped me to avoid snacking!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Areas to improve on

I've been thinking about how I feel in my skin over the last few days and have come up with some areas I want to improve on. Don't get me wrong I would like to tone up all over but I have three areas that need to be improved for flexibility and feeling good in my skin.

Firstly my lower back - I don't have an injury but it feels like everything below my waist is fused together and I would really like to feel some flexibility in there.

Secondly my butt - I know everyone wants to lose a little weight from their arse but since having kids my pelvis has noticably tilted forwards which throws my butt out and probably doesn't help my back. I'm trying to correct my posture but when I do it feels like there is too much flesh on my arse and thighs for me to easily (without tensing up) stand in a neutral spine position.

Thirdly my knees - Once again no injuries here but they are SO stiff! I can bend them and squat but because they're stiff I tend to bend from my waist (big no-no I know) to do things which again is probably not helping my lower back.

I haven't worked out an action plan or anything to target these areas yet but identifying them is a start - especially as it seems they all relate to my back.

In good news - I exercised today! I did a full 5 minutes before Mum duties pulled me away ... tomorrow i'll aim for 10 :)

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Time to set goals

I don't REALLY know what goals to set for myself. I don't know what is realistic. I know I want to lose weight and look fantastic for Christmas, but I don't know how that translates into a number to lose.

What I do know:
1) I weigh 63.5kg
2) I am 157cm tall
3) My smallest waist measurement is 81cm (6cm above my belly button)
4) My 'real' waist measurement is 96cm (taken an inch above my belly button)
5) My hip measurement is 108cm

Based on these numbers:
My BMI is 25.8 and my waist to hip ratio is 0.75 (or 0.89?)

I should be aiming for a BMI between 18.5 and 24.9 and a waist to hip ratio of 0.7

So I don't have a huge amount to lose but how far into the 'normal' range should I be aiming?

I do have three kids to work around - or should I say 'three kids to use as excuses'

I also really want to get on the scales and see a number starting with 5 :)

So with that in mind I set the following goals this morning

In One Month I will Tone up my waist, Lose 2 kilos and improve my fitnes. I will do this by following the 12WBT program, make time for regular exercise and focus on improving my will power.

In Three Months I will Tone up my stomach, Lose 5 kilos and wear (not just fit into) size 10 clothes. I will do this by following the 12WBT program focusing on fat burning and ab work.

In Six Months I will maintain my weight and fitness and be feeding my family good food.  I will do this by continuing with the 12WBT program by myself and getting myself into a fitness routine. I will reward myself with experiences an not food! I will also be organised with food and my daily routine making sure I have time to make healthy food choices.

In Twelve Months I will maintain my weight and fitness and be feeding my family good food.  I will do this by continuing to eat fresh and healthy food. I will involve my children in my fitness by running with them at the park and chasing them around as they ride bikes. I will keep active.  I will also be organised with food and my daily routine making sure I have time to make healthy food choices
Now to get going and get active!

Ok so I need to work on my will power ...

I don't quite know where things went wrong over the weekend, I have a fridge full of healthy food but yet I've eaten crap twice.

On Saturday night I told myself:
"We have a nice date night ahead of us - free tickets to a 'La Premiere' movie ... it would be a shame not to indulge a little"
And sure enough I shared a bottle of red wine with my husband (30/60 split I drank less), shared a single serve vanilla white chocolate icecream and a lindt dessert tasting platter and topped it all off with a latte ... Ok so I passed on the popcorn but I could have passed on all of it and still enjoyed the movie and the ambience.

And today we were out a friends child's baptism:
"Oh those wraps and burgers look so good ... I'll have the meat, other meat, onions, cheese, barbeque sauce, token salad and lashings of sour cream ... don't forget to grab two handfuls of chips too" 
and then I went back and grabbed a burger too ... I could easily have made myself a very lean wrap with what was at hand ... but no I was pulled right in there ... Oh and the two glasses of white wine weren't needed at all!

Looking at the positives here:
1) Its good to know now that I have a will power issue when I'm out of the house
2) I didn't realise I was rewarding myself with food and wine so this is something I need to change
3) At least I ate healthy for three meals over the weekend ... I did skip dinner tonight but after my binge at lunch it was purely because I wasn't hungry!

With that off my chest I'm going to turn in for the night.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Where did all this energy come from?

Ok, so I'm on day two of eating Michelle's recipes from the Crunch Time Cookbook and I am amazed at how much more energy I have already, and how I'm not feeling snacky. I'm also not chasing 'another' cup of coffee like I was before.

Sure its nice to sit down in the morning with a cup when I've got the babies down for their sleep (also the time I tend to eat my breakfast), but i was drinking upwards of 5 cups of instant coffee a day ... I know its not good for me but managing three kids under three my milky-sugary-caffine hit was my reward - and I needed rewarding frequently!

I have already taken the step of removing the sugar from my coffee which has lessened the appeal, and now I'm cutting back on the number of cups I drink in a day. So i guess my goal by the start of the season is to cut out the daily coffee and replace it with something caffine free. I'm hopeful that with all this extra energy I have from just eating well that I won't even notice its gone ... or is that wishful thinking? ... I know I can expect withdrawl headaches but I'm hoping to avoid the energy slump.

Another thing that has really given me a boost is I have been sharing the food i've prepared with my husband and he is really appreciating it. He is always supportive of things I do, but I was expecting him to complain about serving sizes or just have a gentle dig at being put on a diet by me. Instead he's finding the breakfast a little too much of a serving for him and he's actively thanking me for making him lunch! It will be interesting to see whether he continues to appreciate the food or if he finds he needs more calories. It would be great if he's happy to keep taking the food I prepare in with him because he works in the city and buying his lunch every day is an expensive option.

As I found today, the fruit and veg shopping is now a lot more expensive than it was. I have been buying a lot of fruit and vegetables to feed to the twins, but adding all the fresh produce for my husband and myself has more than doubled my bill. Overall I don't think I'm actually spending any more money than i used to, I'm just spending much more of it at the fruit and veg shop rather than in Coles. Given my increased energy levels I'm thinking it's money well spent!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

No more excuses Missy!

I found time this morning to do my pre-season home work and I was amazed at how many of my excuses are the same sort of thing. I don't have time, It won't work, It's too hard ... you know the same ones everyone has. What I was amazed about is how easy it was to form a rebuttal to each and every one. I really feel Michelle's program is helping to inspire me and helping me to complete the preseason work. I was so impressed with how well it came together I have it printed up so i can read it now. I'm loving the use of colour and bold i put on it so I can catch the main points in an instant.

I have also found myself doubting my decision to join the 12WBT team a few times because I don't have huge amounts of weight to lose. My first three excuses in my preseason home work are based on the fact I only want to lose around 5kg and I wonder whether I really needed to sign up or whether I could go it alone. It was during this doubt that I found the SkinnyFat Club in the forum and saw a group of women in the same boat as me. I realise now that I have no real excuses.

I'm also having a really positive day, I am aware of diving into exercise and diet changes too quickly but I wanted to start eating better so i picked up a copy of the Crunch Time Cookbook. Today I have made myself breakfast and lunch out of the book and I am happily full and simply amazed at how good it tastes. This is the program I want to be on - eating good tasting food that is good for you!

Now i better get started on making dinner ...

Where am I going with this

I don't know where I am going with this ... I don't know where to start ... I don't know where i'll end up ... I do know that I am here now ...

My name is Jane and I wasn't going to start a blog ... well it seems i've changed my mind :) .

I currently live in Sydney with my husband and three beautiful daughters. Our eldest will be turning three soon and our babies (fraternal twins) are turning one in November. I often hear that i have my "hands full" but while i'm busy my girls have largely become an excuse i've tried on and accepted as truth. Both my husband and I are from Adelaide so we manage most of the time without any family supports.

In a few months I will be turning 30 which has brought up the expected life questions which i am trying to sort out in my head but getting nowhere fast. I gave up work when we moved to Sydney in 2007 and now i find myself with 7 years of study but nothing more than a BA to show for it and no real career to speak of. I set myself the goal at the beginning of 2010 to decide on a career path and start working towards it ... I think I know what that is but thats a whole different post ... It doesn't help that my chosen career path requires another 3 years of study and my husband is dubious about whether i can study well of an evening (ie after the kids go to bed).

My lack of career has left me feeling like a failure. Yes I have beautiful children but all the women I went to school with have careers and travel plans and house plans and I have no career, no travel plans, and a crummy rental to live in. I am also unhappily unfit and carrying "a few extra kilos". I keep trying to change my habits but at the end of the day when my last girl is in bed all i want to do is sit down with a glass of red wine, some dark chocolate and veg in front of the TV. I make excuses why I can't exercise, can't eat right, and can't be bothered but I really want to change.

I have never been happy with my body but every year i'm slipping a little further from where i would like to be. I considered a few different diet options before i stumbled across the 12WBT by Michelle Bridges. I talked myself out of it several times and then talked myself into it and now i'm loving it. I've only been in pre season for three days now and i'm loving my choice. I realise now that i was putting everyone else first and that if I really want to be happy that needs to change. I deserve to be my first priority and I am going to stick with this plan. It also helps that I have been eating meals from her cookbook today and LOVING IT!

I have a friends wedding in December - just after i turn 30, and I want to look fantastic. This is a friend I have had ups and downs with, and who chose to attend a rave party rather than my wedding and who tried to talk my husband our of marrying me ... so you can see why five years on I want to rock up to her wedding looking my absolute best!