Thursday, October 7, 2010

Breaking Down ... Breaking Through?

I lost it on the weekend ... Not the diet, that stayed ok but I lost my temper and threw some things around the kitchen. Nothing was broken and no one was hurt but my Mother-in-law saw it happen and is now concerned i might lose my temper again and hurt the girls. I don't see this happening but I needed to appologise to her for losing my temper and try and explain to her where I was coming from emotionally.

She didn't get my points ... I tried to explain but she heard what she wanted to hear and I came away from the experience feeling like i'd been sent to the principals office for bad behaviour ... and it happened in my house (my rules???).

I've since heard that my Father-in-law (who wasn't there) is calling my outburst a "breakdown". I don't know how I feel about that. I would consider a "breakdown" something more traumatic with tears and screams and a feeling of powerless-ness. I didn't feel like crying and while I did shout "its not you - I just hate my life!" at my Mother-in-law I didn't feel powerless or out of control ... just really frustrated and angry.

So now i'm left wondering did I break down? or did I break through? I feel more powerful and determined to not repeat the events that led to the outburst. I am not going to tip toe around my Mother-in-law anymore. I am not going to do "what is fair" at the cost of what I feel comfortable doing. My family is going to be moving to the same city as my in-laws in a few months so I think this was a very important break through to make now.

So I have taken a negative experience and learnt from it ... and the experience didn't require any wine, chocolate or cake to fix :)

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