Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I'm done

I know it sounds like I quit but its not that, I've decided I graduate today from the 12 week challenge. Ok so i've only been on it for 11 of those weeks and I haven't been 100% commited for the last two weeks or so, but I feel I have earnt the right to graduate and move on.

I weighed in for the last time this morning (as i'll be packing the scales later today) and in my final week I have lost 600g to bring me 800g under my goal. I am very happy with that because with packing my eating has been reliant on whats in the cupboard and what needs to be used up. We also had pizza and wine for dinner one night this week and I am pleased to report that rather than taking up the 3 pizza's for $30 offer my husband and I ate just one between us.

So my plans from here, I will weigh-in in two weeks time when I am in my new home and settled. I aim to eat 12WBT type meals as much as possible in these two weeks but I forgive myself if I take the easy take-away option. I will continue to check in and weigh-in every wednesday to make sure i'm in my healthy range, and in the new year I will work on my fitness to get myself running regularly and 100% happy with my stomach (i'm about 75% now).

So THANKYOU Michelle for your program, for making it accessible and creating the online support community that makes all the difference. I won't be back next round but thats because I don't need to. I might be sending some friends though :)

Thursday, November 25, 2010

I've changed

I went out for dinner last night with girlfriends and amazed myself. We went to an Italian restaurant and normally I'm a big fan of garlic bread, pizza, red wine and a rich dessert but I found myself struggling to choose because I didn't want any of it. In the end I settled on a pasta dish and sipped some champers but there was no bread and rather than guzzling the vino the champers lasted all meal - and it was shared between four of us!

So clearly my food choices have changed, I would have preferred a lighter meal option than the pasta but it was all rich sauces and thick cuts of meat or piddly side salads.

I am really pleased that this 12 weeks has re-set the foods i'm chasing, it is going to be a lot easier to stick to this way!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Happy with a gain

I didn't think I would find myself in this position - not the gain (I expected that), but being happy with it. This week I put on 900g, but as I lost 1.1kg the week before and am my goal weight I am fine with that. I was able to let my hair down a little over the last week and the world didn't come to an end.

I can do this healthy eating thing AND enjoy myself. It also helps that i've developed a taste for soda water and lime juice which is my reward drink at the end of the day. Its guilt free, and I have something to drink while I'm cooking tea. I know i'll need to keep an eye on my portion sizing and be wary of my alcohol consumption during the party season, but i'm confident I can do it.

Now all I need to do is get past this move and the drive across the country and i'll be set ... I'm looking forward to the next three weeks being behind me!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Measure of success

I've been shopping twice over the last week while my Mum has been staying with us. Its my birthday soon and I have a wedding to attend two days later so I could really do with some nice dresses to wear on these occasions. We've been to quite a few shops and I am pleased to say I have tried on quite a few size 10 dresses ... and they've all done up, and a lot of them looked good. I was looking for 'sensational' rather than just 'good' and I have come away with two dresses complete with matching accessories that make me look like the woman I want to be - young and sexy!

I also hopped on the scales on wednesday for my 'proper' weigh in and found I had lost weight - down 2kgs from the morning before ... I didn't trust it so I repeated the weigh in and got the same result. That tells me that I lost 1.1kg for the week (ignorning tuesdays weigh in) bringing me to 53.8kg. I don't know if I can trust this weight but I am trying to not put as much emphasis on the numbers so if i've gained 2kg this week I will blame wednesday's incorrect reading. I also stumbled across my last weigh in before my weight loss journey began - it was the last time I visited Adelaide and saw most of my friends and I weighed 67.7kg. In six months I have lost 13.9kgs and 20.5% of my body weight. I've gone from a size 14 down to a comfortable 10 and I am getting a lot of compliments on my effort.

Now i'm facing the challenge of the last two weeks until we move ... I am pleased to say the cleaning is coming along well and I hope to finish all the blinds by mid week. Soon i am going to have to pack the last of my kitchen supplies and work on eating things that don't require a lot of tools to prepare - i'm not looking forward to that!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Lets get over this number thing

Ok I weighed in this morning despite my better judgement. My Mum will be staying for a week so I wanted to weigh in sans-clothes this morning without her watching and its also good to have a weight to compare to when she leaves. The downside is that I wasn't eating clean yesterday - I snacked a lot on whatever was around and so today I was up 900g on the scales - BUT - i am still under 56kg and within my 2 kilo window of "normal".

SO, this week I am going to work on accepting that the scales give me a number they DO NOT tell me I have failed and give me guilt about my choices. That is something I do and I have no right to do when I am in my "normal" window ...

So here's to NO GUILT this week!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Being productive

Well the slump has eased which is great. I hate to admit it but I think the main reason it eased is because I lost 100g on the scales this week. I would love to not be attached to the pass/fail results of a weigh in but I'm not. Instead my happiness is directly related to how I expect I will rate on the scales - which obviously needs to change! This week I was concerned because I've been reaching a bit for my old comfort treats to relax at the end of the day - alcohol, I know this isn't good but its what i've been choosing to do. At the end of a long day with grizzly, sick, demanding kids I have then faced packing a few more boxes and at the end of it all sat down with a glass of cointreau or grand marnier ... I have earnt it, but its not guilt free.

I did do what I said I would on Monday - I went for a run to clear my head. I had told myself it was "too hard" to workout during the day and I was partially right. It is "hard" to do a full session when your three year old is with you all day long but we've come to a balance. I don't let her paint when her younger sisters are awake so instead she can paint outside while Mummy runs. Sure there is the problem that she calls me over to show me her artwork, ask for more paint, show me she painted dots, ask for more paper, ask me to clean the brush, show me she's painted all over her hand, ask to have her hand cleaned and then again to show me she has painted, but at the end of needing my attention she now says "more running" to get me back running around the yard. She's a great little cheer squad! I can normally kick my heart rate up close to maximum before she needs me again which helps, also having dance music on my Ipod fires me up and keeps me going. I am limited in what exercises I can do because she wants to copy me (except for the running) so weights work is out of the question and lunges have me laughing too hard to stand upright (picture a three year old doing Mums "funny walk" across the yard). So instead i've been doing a fair amount of running which isn't a bad thing. After our workout we have a mat each that we roll out and do crunches and stretches together - well I crunch and she lays there with her hands by her head :) . I am cautious to portray Mum's exercise as something fun I like to do and to try and keep the weight and body issues out of it - she is too young to have any concept of that and with three daughters i'm aware it will be an issue for many years in our house so certainly doesn't need to start now. I make a point of weighing in on Wednesday before the kids get up in the morning so they don't see that part of my life.

So coming off a rut its been good to hold steady this week. Its also been good to see the pile of boxes growing, and the list of thing to pack growing shorter. We'll be on the road in 27 days so the 12WBT, my drive across the country and my reveal in Adelaide will all be here before I know it. I think the big reveal is the part thats stressing me most about my numbers at weigh in. If it was purely for me I could accept that 55-57kg is my happy range, but when i'm facing people who are "expecting" me to have lost weight I want to have achieved 110% ... its also my in-laws i'm facing so thats probably adding extra weight ... and then the wedding we're attending on the 18th ... I must remember these things when faced with the temptation to snack or to skip a work out.

For now the best thing I can do is get some sleep. I packed three tea-chest sized boxes today so I'm feeling good. I skipped the workout, but it was hot and I was active all day long with wrapping (they were boxes of fragile glassware) and packing. So I earnt the day off from exercise.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Whats changed?

I'm not as mentally strong this week as I have been. I am hearing the voice of reason in my head saying "don't eat that - you don't need it" but i'm not listening. I think a big part of my problem is i'm not getting enough sleep at the moment with packing and sick kids, but I should be stronger than this after 3 months of healthy eating.

I was hoping this slump was going to be short lived but its entering its second week with no signs of letting up. I don't want to gain weight or lose fitness because I have my big reveal in 30 days and I want to look fantastic ... I don't feel fantastic at the moment. I feel like a worn out frumpy Mum again (I was going for 'Yummy Mummy', or the 'oh wow you have three kids!') and I was actually surprised this morning when I tried to pep myself up with a body scrub to notice how skinny my body is. Mentally I feel like I am the same physical shape as when I started the 12WBT - despite the fact i've lost 8kg and 30cm!

I should be energised and enthused but instead i'm feeling flat. The voice of reason is trying to pick me up but is struggling under the weight of apathy, exhaustion and disappointment. I know I shouldn't be disappointed but I am disappointed that I have not made the regular exercise routine stick. I have been eating well but I am not recording my calories and I often eat 1200-1500 calories (plus coffees) which I think is maintaining my weight and energy levels but I worry that 1500 will become 1800 will become 2100 before I realise it. I know I could stop it but the inner pessimist has found something to latch on to and is not helping things in the least.

I think I should go for a run to work off some of my stress, I have an appointment I need to get to for my kids soon so I'll try for that this afternoon. I need to start kicking my arse into make-up exercise sessions during the day so I have less disappointment on my shoulders ... hopefully that will kick me out of my slump :)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

A cheeky weigh-in

I won't try and hide it - I was discouraged by my gain yesterday. I know you learn more from failure than you do from success but my brain was doing some crazy things to me ... Instead of seeing "55.9" as my weight I was seeing "59.5" meaning I was back close to my starting weight (400g vs 4kg). I was good yesterday with my eating and I didn't snack on anything non-12WBT approved. However, we had a left over bowl of chicken & broccolini laksa that I shared with my husband at 10pm when we finished packing ... that reminded me that some of my issues with food are 'couple meal' issues - ie he's eating it so I should too ... despite being different heights, builds and genders.

So this morning I weighed myself as motivation to see how I'd done better and you know what ... i'd lost 900g ... which takes me to square on my goal weight!

Now why was there 900g difference in 24 hours ... I blame eating the kids food, drinking a beer with dinner then a hot chocolate before bed, and I have been having a different cereal this week and I think my body works better with museli and yogurt than cereal and milk. There is also the normal fluctuations in body weight over 24 hours so that might have contributed too.

I have already announced on facebook that i've reached my goal given I fit into size 10 jeans, the numbers on the scales are just that 'numbers' so theres no song and dance about this cheeky weigh-in.

So from here I want to hold my weight steady at 55kg, work on toning up my abs, and make time to run at least every second morning so I can burn off stress.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Argh! my first gain

Crap! I gained this week ... looking at my graph in 'my program' there are these ugly red numbers ... I don't like them being there. Its only 400g and its not unexpected but I still don't like it. I lost 400g the week before so its like the last two weeks haven't counted. I am still under 56kg which is good.

I think i'm most disappointed with my (lack of) willpower this week. I thought I had overcome a lot of issues but I have found myself feeding the kids meals that I want to eat (and they don't really want) that aren't lean, and then I snack on the left overs when they don't finish. I am better than eating scraps - I know this, but I'm not stopping myself.

This week has seen us start to pack for our December move so I have added stress from that. I've also started seeing a psychologist which has brought up a lot of issues I had nicely put a lid on. I also recieved some sad news about a family friend on the weekend who has lost one of her unborn twins at 30 weeks and is still to deliver her babies. Being a Mum, any baby loss is sad, but being a Mum of twins who birthed a twin with breathing problems it brings up a whole lot more issues. I am hoping for the best for the friend, that her surviving twin makes it safely into the world.

So its not surprising I haven't been sticking to the program, but I need to kick myself before this becomes a downward slide. Hopefully the rest of the week is filled with less stress and better news!