Where am I going with this

I don't know where I am going with this ... I don't know where to start ... I don't know where i'll end up ... I do know that I am here now ...

My name is Jane and I wasn't going to start a blog ... well it seems i've changed my mind :) .

I currently live in Sydney with my husband and three beautiful daughters. Our eldest will be turning three soon and our babies (fraternal twins) are turning one in November. I often hear that i have my "hands full" but while i'm busy my girls have largely become an excuse i've tried on and accepted as truth. Both my husband and I are from Adelaide so we manage most of the time without any family supports.

In a few months I will be turning 30 which has brought up the expected life questions which i am trying to sort out in my head but getting nowhere fast. I gave up work when we moved to Sydney in 2007 and now i find myself with 7 years of study but nothing more than a BA to show for it and no real career to speak of. I set myself the goal at the beginning of 2010 to decide on a career path and start working towards it ... I think I know what that is but thats a whole different post ... It doesn't help that my chosen career path requires another 3 years of study and my husband is dubious about whether i can study well of an evening (ie after the kids go to bed).

My lack of career has left me feeling like a failure. Yes I have beautiful children but all the women I went to school with have careers and travel plans and house plans and I have no career, no travel plans, and a crummy rental to live in. I am also unhappily unfit and carrying "a few extra kilos". I keep trying to change my habits but at the end of the day when my last girl is in bed all i want to do is sit down with a glass of red wine, some dark chocolate and veg in front of the TV. I make excuses why I can't exercise, can't eat right, and can't be bothered but I really want to change.

I have never been happy with my body but every year i'm slipping a little further from where i would like to be. I considered a few different diet options before i stumbled across the 12WBT by Michelle Bridges. I talked myself out of it several times and then talked myself into it and now i'm loving it. I've only been in pre season for three days now and i'm loving my choice. I realise now that i was putting everyone else first and that if I really want to be happy that needs to change. I deserve to be my first priority and I am going to stick with this plan. It also helps that I have been eating meals from her cookbook today and LOVING IT!

I have a friends wedding in December - just after i turn 30, and I want to look fantastic. This is a friend I have had ups and downs with, and who chose to attend a rave party rather than my wedding and who tried to talk my husband our of marrying me ... so you can see why five years on I want to rock up to her wedding looking my absolute best!